All Signs Say "Turn Around" on Improvised D-TouR rUN

This is an epic saga, think Homer and the Odyssey.

First & Second-Thru-Fourth Signs: One Scheduling Conflict & a Gaggle of Gremlins

It's the last week in April, the Feudin' Frontier run was about three weeks away with a club meeting at the beginning of May. We're holding at about 4-ish vehicles and we're slowly on the way up in participants. After Tar Hollow, Sal came over to my house to help diagnose vibrations I've been feeling between 55 and 65 mph. While testing fronts, rears, brakes and all things drivetrain we moved on to testing with and without lockers.

Low and behold, my compressor was dead, fuses blown, nothing bringing it back to life. So I decided to get some parts, order a new compressor and do a little upgrade at the same time. Slowly I cobbled together my new system in between work, dad/family duties and a couple of band practices. Any spare second I had was spent on getting that system installed. I finished early, right before the May meeting, and tested it… and blew more fuses.

Well, the new compressor is beefier and that little 30A just couldn't hold up. So I ordered more parts.

At the meeting we learned that there would only be 3 of us on the trip - life happens. Sal, MaiTaiJay and myself - with that Jay was having his ball joints and knuckles replaced after apparently barely making it home from the Ernie's Stroll Down Sesame Street and might be able to still make the trip if everything shipped in time.

No problem.

Sal and I decided to augment the route. If things didn't work with Jay, we would go upstate.

The week progressed, Jay got the ball joints and knuckles in time, but when Evan and Jay pulled the passenger-side axel, they noticed some gnarling of the splines. Luckily, Jay had purchased chromoly replacements previously and had them sitting in his garage. One week to go, the LOTABOOT JL is making a comeback, but the Spallino Scrambler is down for the count. Sal had steering box issues on the scrambler. Donut Doctors is good to go, but I'd really like to be riding with a working compressor in case I need to air up, use lockers, etc. Fine.

Thursday night before the big trip, Sal gets his steering box back and installed and I got the wiring run and breaker installed for the compressor. Green for go.

Fifth Sign: THE LIE Sink Hole

Friday morning, the Jeep is packed, everything is in it. We have a meeting point and luckily it's west of the Sink hole on the L.I.E., and at a southern location. We gather up and head west. Funny enough, we made it through the city fairly unscathed. It was scenic, the weather was decent. We decided to shelf the Hatfields route. It's a long way to go and it's more of a park than an overland route.

Next time we'll plan it like an AOAA trip.

I found some western New York routes, a reach of a destination was the eternal flame. Then Jay says, "What about Buffalo? Are we near the Anchor Bar?" Yes. Yes we are.. Or at least we can be. Thus the D-TouR.

First change of the trip, the new destination is Buffalo Wings. I'm game. We jump into parts of the Trans New Jersey Trail which then morphs (how Freudian) into part of the Backroad Discovery Route from PA to NY to MA. There's dirt, gravel and two-lane blacktop nearly immediately.

Sixth Sign: Downed Tree

The thing about connecting these routes together is that it's done in a completely hap-hazard way at my random discretion. They all connect on the map, but what happens in real life is another story. As such, we set off into the wild and soon end up at a dead end due to a downed tree sitting on a cable tv line - turn around, we don't do utilities.

Seventh Sign: Puff of Smoke from the Slipping Scrambler

As we're doubling back, Sal chirps over the radio that he needs a minute. We stop and find out the scrambler clutch is slipping. He's going to take Stefania back home, swap out all the camp goods and come back with the FJ. He doesn't want to chance it, and we're close enough to home that it's a viable and the safest option. After a quick conference between the 3 of us, we agree and go our separate ways.

The rest of the afternoon went along well, we may have hit one or two more dead ends, but eventually we made camp.  

Camp.

How does that work?

Well it's a shot in the dark and an estimation - how far do I think we can make it based on the travel so far, AND will there be a campsite somewhere near there with vacancy?

This time, yes.

We found a nice county park just inside the border of NY near Owego. We set up the tents and the screen house and dined on Srirachia Chicken thanks to Papa Eckert. In the meantime, the plan was for Sal to meet us in the morning at Speedway, right up the road.

Saturday 8:30am - Sal and Stef, bright eyed and ready to roll at Speedway. Coffee and gas and we're ready to go.

Eighth Sign: Uncharted Territory

Two miles in, back into PA and another Dead End. It's a two track, but it's not showing on the map as a road, so we lay off and go around. It's a quick re-route since the map is at my finger tips and my curiosity is on tap. We drive a good way during the day switching off between dirt and road. Lots of dust behind me in the lead. Sorry guys. Jay is all-in, he even removes the freedom top. It's perfect weather.

We keep on rolling west and finally get to the Allegany Forest. The clouds roll in, there's no rain in the forecast. For days. But the as we all know, removing the tops or doors to a Jeep is more effective at summoning rain than dancing or sacrificing a goat.

The forest is very rugged, hard pack gravel and dirt with plenty of potholes. It's getting a little more ominous as we get near the end of the park. At this point we need gas and a rest stop, so we follow the signs to a reservation gas station. When we pull up to the station, the pump and the very high gas attendant. With every fill up over $25 you get a voucher for a fresh rolled one. Yeah.. In giant letters - Chronic Link - Weed and Gas convenience store. No, there was none of that on trail.

While in the parking lot, the sky opened up just as Jay was putting his top panel back on.

Timing was everything.

Tanks full we kept on to the eternal flame. It's a small park with a naturally occurring natural gas flame that burns continuously, one of few around the world.

At the top of the parking lot, a quick google search showed we would be there within one minute's walk. So all 5 of us began the wet hike into the woods—in the steady rain.

Well each one of us narrowly escaped busting ass on the slick greasy muddy path. But it was only a minute away, so we must be close. Then we got to the steps. Luckily there are wooden railroad ties there, set up as steps, and at the bottom there must be the flame.

Well, the steps went down and down and down, still wet and slippery. When we made it to the bottom.. Surely the end of a minute's walk.

There was another creek to cross and more muddy path for who knows how long. Well none of us were eager to get wet, slip, fall, twist an ankle, break a hip.

We turned back.

No flame.

More than a minute's walk.

Up the wet steps, back up the muddy path. Screw that place - it was time for wings.

So we shuffled off and made it to the Anchor Bar - the original home of the buffalo wing. So we had pizza. Not. We ate wings, took pics and started on our way east, the top leg of the trip.

One quick roll to a campsite.

Hopefully.

Ninth Sign: No Room at The Inn(s)

Well after it had rained continuously, arriving at the campsite we were met by a ranger and some employees who said the system was down and they could accept no walk-ins. Ok then, we didn't need much arm twisting. The ground was wet, so we continued west while I found a cluster of hotels in Batavia.

The first one was a bust with only one room. So was the second. And the third. As we were walking back to the vehicles, laughing about the absurdity, a bug flew into the back of my throat and I either swallowed it or hocked it out. It was dark, I don't really know. I washed it down with alcohol later in the night. Either way I figured it would sanitize the area.

Speaking of having a drink, we all met in our room with everyone's offering of drink to hang out and recount the day. All was well until the neighbor next door could be heard heaving .. Many, many times.

Sunday morning hit with a quick hotel breakfast that did the job.

Off onto the trail in the sun once again.

Tenth Sign: Motorized Vehicles Not Welcome

We made it along for a good while until we were once again denied mid-trail. The road didn't continue through for motorized vehicles.

Eleventh Sign: MaiTaiJay Loses The SS Cruiser

We made our way through Letchworth State Park which was amazing with waterfalls, bridges, rocks and wild life.

While on a back road, MaiTaiJay spotted a vehicle that was clearly overheating and pouring steam from its radiator. We stopped to assist. The driver was a local and from the sounds of it, this wasn't the first time this has happened to him. He was towing a heavy piece of machinery using, shall we say, a very light tow rig, up very long and steep grades—to boot. We filled his coolant jug with water and confirmed that he was OK to wait for the temp to drop enough to open the radiator fill cap. He was very appreciative for the support.

From there we headed east and south to make the large loop, at one point we look back through the dust waiting for Sal to pop through. And we're waiting. And waiting. Then we call on the radio. Sal? Come in Sal? Boop! A text comes through - "Where did you guys go?"  Dammit we lost Sal. So he sent his coordinates and we met back up. He zigged when he should have zagged. Everyone was deep in conversation in their respective rigs, I had my head in the map.. And in one second we were split up.

Twelfth Sign: Look. But Don't Climb.

Back together we headed toward a fire tower. After google map's "one minute walk" lie for the eternal flame—MaiTaiJay sent up a drone to check the walk and confirm the existence of said fire tower.

We are a go! 3-5 minute walk confirmed. Fire tower confirmed. So off we went.

Denied! Again. Apparently the fire tower is meant to be admired from the ground... not from the observation deck.

Ok, fine.

This night we decided to call it early and hit up a campsite early.

We entered the camp office to find a young lady sitting on a chair, who proceeded to whoop and cackle and jump up to help us?

We were startled to say the least.

2 Camp spots requested and she didn't know if there was room. Well, we were just up there with plenty of empty sites, I said. So do the tappity tap. She did and we got a couple of camp spots.

We set up camp, had dinner and started a little fire with a blow torch. Worked like a charm. I was going to try smores made from rice krispies treats, but they melted on the stick. Damn you tik-tok.

We sat and threw the bull around a bit until Tom said, hey is that a spider on your lamp post? I look over and whoa! Large spider on my chair, not the lamp. So big that Sal handed me a bottle to hit it with. But I had a cup local to my hand and I had to hit the thing several, several times before it gave up the spot. I don't think that bite would have been very fun. The night ended and I slept really good.

Monday morning we wrapped up camp. I took as shower in the very nice park bathroom with all the friendly bugs and gnats.

Bougie accommodations?

No.

But the water was warm. We wrapped up camp and as always, we ride the dirt until it's time to go home for real.

We were stuck behind slow cars and tractor trailers until I couldn't take it anymore. I found a route in my boredom past what I thought was a damn, but it was a reservoir. Specifically, it was the reservoir system that feeds all of NYC's water needs. It was a little surreal to be driving through crystal-clear air, scenic mountains, around unbelievably large lakes of water, not a sky scraper in sight, but technically within New York City Limits.

Thirteenth Sign: No Service

The sights were amazing through the route, winding along the river. We did that until lunch time. First and second choice places - closed. Denied. D-toured again. We did find a little diner in a little town with no sense of urgency. The food was hot. We ate, gassed up and left. We drove some good spots a little more for a little while into Liberty NY. The word came across the radio, we talked and it was time to hit the highway. It was a little traffic heavy, though mostly moving. Everyone made it home.

See all the photos and videos from the D-TouR rUN here.